I now have an official diagnosis of Attention Deficit Disorder. Not at all surprising. I posted my little story on a message board I frequent, and got lots of Oh you sound normal, you're fine, blah, blah, blah. One women, for whom I have enormous respect, even told me that if I had ADD I would not be able to complete any task a pleasant or otherwise. Patently untrue as nearly anyone with ADD, adult or otherwise, can attest. I admit my responses were a bit, well, snarky.
Now I'm feeling guilty. You see, the forgetfulness is only the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. If it were just that, I would continue on, compensating as bast I can. Not, the real issues are all the other stuff. I CANNOT get anything done. I just can't sit down and accomplish anything. I had about 4 hours worth of work that I really needed to to last week and it took me 7 days. SEVEN days! I am a master procrastinator, and no matter how many times I tell myself, I will work at work today (remember those resolutions) I don't do it. It's frustrating for me, but it will do in my partnership if I don't do something about it soon. After all, who wants to work with someone who can't contribute any work. Ideas only get you so far.
It's also a relationship issue. While talking with the therapist, I learned that intimacy problems and relationship problems are very common with ADD'ers. I am married to the most wonderful man, whom I love dearly, and I just can't seem to be there for him. It is really causing us problems now, so much so that we have scheduled marriage counseling in 2 weeks.
When I arrived at the Psychiatrists office they had me do a little self-reporting questionnaire, then a few other little tests. As I answered the questions I thought to myself, doesn't everyone do that? For nearly every question. The only things that are apparently common to ADD'ers that I don't experience are frequent depression/anxiety, pessimism, a couple of other little things I can't remember. Did you know that ADD'ers are often thrill seekers? That they have trouble maintaining friendships, are often viewed as self-centered and immature? That they often talk too much in social situation, and say things best left unsaid? That they have poor handwriting and often transpose numbers or letters? All those are me exactly.
The Dr. actually laughed at me when I asked, about halfway through the appointment, if ADD seemed like a possibility. She said, "Listen, you have obviously developed some great coping strategies, and you are very intelligent, but your scores on the diagnostic tests are some of the highest (read-worst) I have ever seen. And I treat a lot of people with ADD." Well, I did say I had a gift for multiple choice tests, didn't I? She also said I had one of the broadest array of symptoms she's seen. She strongly recommended treatment.
So, as I am hesitant to go the stimulant rout, I have started on Strattera. I should know if it helps in a few weeks.
